two entries in two days, what is this world coming to?

when i was younger [high school] i used to hate listening to music where i could not understand what was being sung [such as opera, or any piece that most typical high school choirs sing].  i liked to know what i was listening to, to fully understand it.

i don’t know when that changed, but now i cannot get enough of artists such as sigur ros – i have no idea what they are singing about [i once read a little bit about a song and liked my interpretation of it better], but most of their songs hold special meaning to me in one way or another, reminding me of a friend, a moment in time, a love found, a love lost, the list goes on and on…

“I have no idea to this day what those two Italian ladies were singing about. Truth is, I don’t want to know. Some things are better left unsaid. I’d like to think they were singing about something so beautiful, it can’t be expressed in words, and it makes your heart ache because of it. I tell you, those voices soared higher and farther than anybody in a grey place dares to dream. It was as if some beautiful bird had flapped into our drab little cage and made these walls dissolve away, and for the briefest of moments, every last man in Shawshank felt free.”


life is full of struggles right now, i won’t deny that.

my other half’s job situation isn’t stable, and it is a major issue of stress in her life.  i half keep expecting to receive a phone call from her any day telling me that she has lost her job or that they have furhter cut her hours, and that thought keeps me up at night, i admit.

her struggling with job security brings her home tired and stressed, [and usually with a headache] and well, when two tired people meet up after a long day of work, unless a lot of grace is sprinkled in the mix, the outcome isn’t always that great.  i love her with everything i’ve got, but i struggle with liking her [and i’m sure she would say the very same thing].

on top of that, one of my cats has recenty needed some medical attention, and while the vet has been very helpful and accomidating to our financial situation, the money we do have to pay is money we do not have.

i feel one financial crisis away from losing everything.

i realize that there are many people living like that, on that field, but i find myself only thinking about me and how bad i have things [all the while forgetting that i am better off than the majority of humans on this earth].

i keep repeating “daily bread” over and over again to myself, trying to remind myself that that is all i need – nothing more, nothing less.  “consider the lillies of the field…”

anyway, it’s where i’m at.

traveling mercies,
jdh

02/20/09

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3 thoughts on “

  1. One of my favourite quotations, from one of my all time favourite movies. Nice. You know, I wonder if your first feelings, about music in languages you don’t understand (a feeling I share) have a shared chestspace with your frustrations and fears. There is so much we cannot articulate, so much we don’t have the words for, yet or perhaps ever. The future, the world that is beyond our fingertips, the minds of those we treasure, and even the bodies we inhabit. We can glory in the uncertainty, that vast place to explore, with all its exotic sounds and strange creatures, but we really only have the emotions that it triggers to connect it to our known world. Out of our control, our experience is glory, terror, and babbling confusion. Right now, my fear has more to do with having no idea how to make solid choices about the future I can’t see. These known (and well-worn) lyrics have been on my mind:In the lives of those that follow there is going to come a timeWhen rhythm starts to stumble and singsong swallows rhymeWhen imaginations crumble, false foundations turn to dustTowers fall to piles of stones and girders into rustTil you let the blood of Jesus wash the rubble from your mindAnd your eyes again can see the one you almost left behindWhen theology’s in tatters and reason is absurdStill your soul in silence and listen for His wordSo many turns, so many ways, so many voices cryStanding at the crossroads watching time go flashing byIndecision paralyzes, it’s the fear of choosing wrongBut waiting is a step itself, and you’re wondering too longSo again you search the scripture, and again you ask your friendsBut last of all the One who knows the beginning from the endIn the clamor and confusion and the blindness of your choiceStill your soul in silence, and listen for His voiceRome is full of ruins, Babylon is goneThe temple’s just a memory that some still dwell uponBut deep within a place that sword and veil had once deniedA tree of life is growing, living waters flow besideFar beyond all human reason and words upon a pageHis glory lightens all who fret their hour upon this stageTo know Him is our freedom, to hear Him is releaseTo fix your heart and soul on Him is rest and perfect peace-Don FranciscoI’m not sure if that means anything to you in your troubles, my friend, but you and your other half are always in my prayers.

  2. Josh, I like the Shawshank Redemtion quote, it’s one of my favorite movies.On to the financial stuff…Bob & I struggled with a lot of the same things over the last year and half after he was laid off. We were so close to getting our car reposessed so many times… so close to not having enough money for rent, or utilities, or food… and every time we sat down and said “I don’t know how we’re going to get through this month” something happened and we made it through.Don’t give up… keep going. I know this may be hard to practice, but the best thing to do is not to worry. Don’t worry. Worrying doesn’t do anything except raise your blood pressure. Don’t stress. Just trust that everything will be okay.Also, remember that the #1 reason couples break up is over money. Bob & I decided when he was laid off that we would not let money come between us. Whenever we were stressed about money we sat and talked about it, cried together, and figured out a way to make it through the week.He will provide.And if you need to talk… I’m always here. You have my number. If you can’t talk, I have unlimited texts.

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